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16 out of 17 people found the following comment useful :-
Indescribable! Must be seen to be believed., 11 October 2002
6/10
Author: Matt Huls (cowman777@hotmail.com) from Westland, MI, USA

I've read many, many lengthy, compelling reviews of HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY FIVE. Every single one of them ripped this little straight-to-video obscurity to shreds. None of these reviews even hinted that the film could be considered at least slightly amusing, if even for camp value. It was because of this type of incessant, brutal criticism the movie has received by the few people who have actually seen it that I decided to seek it out and give it a go. When I finally saw it, I was stunned. No review, no plot summary, or no inane message-board-horror-freak banter could have prepared me for the experience.

HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY FIVE has an approximate running time of 90 minutes, but to me, it was all a blur. I popped in the tape and was immediately bombarded with a barrage of surreal, incoherent images and eerily funny yet nonsensical lines of dialogue. For the first time in years, I was glued to my television set. There was really no plot per se, but rather a constant stream of cinematic insanity involving a man in a Nixon mask, two Nazi brothers, pot smoking hippies, dead cats, homemade explosives, dancing, chloroform hijinx, and a disturbingly unfitting, genre-defiant soundtrack.

Now, mind you, I am no stranger to the vast world of bizarre movies. I thoroughly enjoy flicks such as ERASERHEAD, SWEET MOVIE, BEGOTTEN, UN CHIEN ANDALOU, and EL TOPO. But for whatever reason, this movie affected me on a level that no other has, and I'm having a hard time pinpointing why. Perhaps it's because films like the ones I just listed knew exactly what they were doing. They were meant to be disturbing, bizarre, and confusing, thus making their weirdness easier to accept. But I'm not so sure HHOH5 even realizes just how strange it really is. I'm sure its intent was simply to spook and shock its viewers, but instead it comes across as some kind of completely accidental minimalist/surrealist/faux-arthouse pic. Imagine blending the works of Nick Zedd, Ed Wood, and Salvador Dali. Yes, it's just that weird.

So did I like this movie? I honestly don't know. For once in my life a movie has sent my emotions into a whirlwind, and trying to determine my feelings about it is nothing short of impossible. It's almost as if HHOH5 has caused some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain. I will say this, though: it was definitely entertaining, but don't know if I could ever prepare myself to endure its lunacy a second time.

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8 out of 8 people found the following comment useful :-
Bad Trip, 16 August 2006
6/10
Author: PCyst from The Base of Your Spine

It is hard to describe what my feeling on this movie is. To put it simply, this might be one of the most bizarre horror films of the 1980's. Were the makers of the film on drugs when they filmed and wrote the script? Did they even have a script at that? Was this all filmed in one night? Who knows? All I know is that as bad as this flick is it is hard to pull your face away from it.

I will try my hardest to sum up what the movie is about so bear with me. Basically, some college kids have to do some research on a Nazi named Bartholomew who was making some wild experiments many years ago. Supposedly he is dead and all that is left are his 2 grown children, who grew up to be Nazi's, also. Apparently, the experiments were being performed at a house off of highway 5 (where ever highway 5 is). One of the girl college students is kidnapped by the Nazi brothers and is brought to the house to perform a human sacrifice for some odd reason. The other college kids go to the house, get creeped out, and camp out somewhere else. While all this is going on we have a guy in a Richard Nixon mask played by a guy listed in the cast as Ronald Reagon running around killing everybody.

The incoherent storyline is only one of the many things that make this one of the most bizarre movies out there. Misplaced music ranging from trippy 60's music to an organ is what fills the movie up. The whole atmosphere of it all is down right weird and hypnotic. Of course, the acting is bad and the filming is even worse. But, I guess that is one of the things that gives this movie its charm. And what is the deal with having a guy in the cast go by the name of the Ronald Reagon?

I don't really have a lot to say about this movie. It is just one of those flicks that need to be seen to be believed. Check it out. 6/10

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8 out of 8 people found the following comment useful :-
As bizarre as Ziggy Stardust's strangest nightmares..., 24 January 2005
3/10
Author: Luisito Joaquín González (RareSlashersRated) from Spain

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

To be labelled as the most bizarrely bewildering title of all slasher movies may not seem like much of a memorable claim. But when you consider the fact that the forerunner is up against such twisted beasts as Blood Harvest, Don't Open 'til Christmas, Pieces, Bloodbeat and the almost extra terrestrial A Day of Judgement, then you begin to realise how tough a challenge it really is. When it comes to leaving you dumbfounded and gasping at the screen - jaw dropped quicker than if you just received a shattering right hook from Mike Tyson – then Horror House on Highway Five has crossed the finish line while the others are still tying up their shoe-laces. A true, true masterpiece of brain-numbing confusion, Highway Five is about as anormalistic as any movie could ever possibly achieve to be inside this solar system.

Some of the strange images that will appear on your screen over the 90 minute runtime include: A homicidal maniac in a Richard Nixon mask that may well be a dead scientist and is played by an actor named Ronald Reagan (seriously!). Then there are the two demented kidnappers - one of them believing that his brain is being destroyed by parasites, while the other acts equally like the mushrooms that he ate with his fried breakfast were certainly those of the 'magic' variety. And how could I forget the gang of college half wits who have the intelligence of an autistic bullfrog on crack. Then there's the wacky soundtrack that includes everything from St Peppers-era Beatles style trip-rock to Dion and the Belmonts-type doo-wop?

A college class investigating the creation of the V2 rocket head out to a small town (brilliantly titled 'Little Town') where it was believed that the German scientist behind the invention spent his final days in America. Legend dictates that before his disappearance, Frederick Bartholomew became a murderous psychopath and began killing off the people that he worked with. One young student - Sally Smith - is given the task of interviewing two of the scientist's former associates, the crazed Dr. Mabuser and his stuttering sidekick Gary. Meanwhile a maniac dressed as Tricky Dicky is heading along Highway 5 bumping off anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with him. Will the classmates escape the secluded town alive? Is that really Richard Nixon trying to murder his way back into the White House? All the answers lie behind the front door of the horror house on highway 5…

If anything, Richard Casey's debut certainly proves that there are some strange people inhabiting this planet and a fair majority of them were working on the set of this feature circa 1985. You'd think that at some point during the long months of pre and post production at least one member of the cast or crew would have said, "Hold on a second, isn't this all just a little far-fetched?" But no, it seems that the copious amounts of LSD that were handed out as inspirational materials throughout the writing of the screenplay were still in abundance during the shoot. There's really no other way to explain occurrences such as: The second victim throwing herself through a glass coffee table for *no* reason whatsoever, whilst the killer was hot on his heels behind her. It was only moments earlier that she had been pulling strange faces at herself in the mirror; - the kind of thing that you would do if you had been in swallowing LSD for the past twenty-four hours. It may also be the real truth behind Mike and Louise's cool attitude when they find a disembowelled cat mysteriously dumped in the back of their van. If you were hallucinating consistently, then you'd expect to see that kind of thing, surely? Oh and before I forget, Dr. Mabuser seems to believe that his brain is being munched by maggots – need I say more?!?

The dramatics are exactly what you've come to expect from zero budget slasher movies. You know, the kind of performances that make your children's high school play look like One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest part deux. There's one starlet that really gave new meaning to the word 'wooden' – she was that bad I reckon that she'd make the Rain Forest look like it was made of Lego. The highlight of her brief performance came as she was being murdered by the former president. With the enthusiasm of a dry roasted peanut she yelped, "Relax just try to put your mind at ease…" Yeah right! Don't expect to see her popping up in any other motion pictures any time soon.

This does at least try in many ways to add a little spice to the hack and slash cycle. Alongside the traditional masked maniac, there's at least three other nut jobs to keep you interested and there's even a hint at the supernatural that's never completely followed through. It's also worth noting that Richard Casey didn't go for that old slasher chestnut of having a cast full of pretty boys and page 3 girls to dismember. Instead most of the body count is pretty average in the looks department, except for maybe the final girl who was cute if not breathtakingly beautiful. Oh yeah and a word of advice to all T&A fans, there's nothing but dungarees and double knits going on here. You've more chance of seeing forbidden flesh on an episode of sesame street than you have anywhere in this fully wrapped splatter flick.

My conclusion is that Highway Five was either invaded by otherworldly beings on set, was intended as a spoof, or is simply a misunderstood masterpiece. One thing is for certain however, for all its nonsensical frolics and wayward attempts at terror, it sure makes a fine advertisement for watching the telly…

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5 out of 5 people found the following comment useful :-
Why do I like this movie so much?!, 1 October 1999
3/10
Author: WritnGuy from New Jersey

I rented this with such skepticism. And you know, I thought it would be so cool. Really violent and terrifying. It would be disgustingly gory at times, and just somewhat above the bar horror yarn. What I got was something so totally different.

The movie starts with this woman in her home. Her husband goes out somewhere, telling her he'll be back. Pretty soon, he's a goner, and his killer takes a Nixon mask the guy used to scare his wife and puts it on. Then the wacko goes into the house to get the wife. The scene moves so damn slow, even though it is supposed to be scary. There is, like, no sound, the wife reacts to everything, like, five or ten seconds after it happens, and there's this really gross scene where she falls on this glass table and her whole wrist is shredded up and off. And there's, like, two drops of blood! Then the scene continues, and we all knows what happens next.

The movie moves on, and we find out about this wacko father and his two sons. Then enter these three college students getting to know about Highway Five. One of the girls--I can't remember why--meets the two brothers, who eventually invite her back to their apartment. It's all so very surreal. Eventually, that night, they kidnap her and take her to their house up on Highway Five.

The two others--a freaky pothead guy and some hippie-esque girl--head up to this abandoned lot on Highway Five in their van, to do something. Research, I suppose. I have faint memory. Cut to many scenes with the other girl, then nighttime. This movie is so weird and I won't tell you everything, but soon, the killers start killing everybody off until this long--and quite weird--chase scene with the hippie and Nixon. Then an ending that I have to admit, left me on the edge of my seat until the very unique and very cool ending.

I totally suggest checking this movie out. It has cult potential. I could watch this many times. It is so weird. If you find this, PLEASE see it. At first, you will hate it, then you will like it for how cheesy it is. If anything, you have never seen anything like this before.

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4 out of 4 people found the following comment useful :-
--what...was...that? <( o)> <(o )>, 2 April 2004
Author: bukakkefriedchicken from fabulous Las Vega$!

Um...wow. This is really something entirely different. It couldn't have been any weirder if the actors walked backwards and talked like Popeye. The story involves two crazed brothers and their female captive, some kids stranded in the middle of nowhere with a broken-down van, and a guy in a Nixon mask creeping around killing people. Some half-baked supernatural elements are applied in this, and there's a lot of hilariously inappropriate avant-garde musical interludes. When a movie turns out as strange as "Horror House on Hwy. 5", it becomes difficult to criticize it. I have a gut feeling that this was never intended to be anything but weird. God...I hope I'm right. Please, somebody tell me I'm right... 4.5/10

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4 out of 4 people found the following comment useful :-
A spoof, deliberate camp, or totally inept?, 25 March 2004
Author: TheatreX from Louisville, KY

What's to say about this movie? I've found lots lately that I'm unable to figure out. Was this meant to be campy & stupid? Is this a spoof? Or is this serious film making by folks who were totally clueless? At any rate, I found it to be hilariously bad to the point of being good. And, thanks to the miracle of modern technology you can have this hilariously dumb piece of, uh, work on DVD! It's a tad rough at the beginning but levels off to a not-bad transfer, although it's on a cheap label. We have: A crazed killer wearing a Richard Nixon mask (the actor is credited as being Ronald Reagan). We have some college students researching a German ex-patriot rocket scientist. Oh, and the college students? Well, one is sort of a rocket scientist but the others barely have normal motor-functions. We have a mishap with a garden tool that ends up with the unfortunate victim still walking around with it stuck in their forehead. We have two crazed brothers, one of whom is a complete idiot, and the other maybe only a notch up the food chain from there. That particular gentleman goes by the name of Dr. Mabuse and is convinced he has brain parasites. Characters pop up and disappear without having any particular function, except to get killed and be stumbled across later. There are actually some moments where this reaches surreal and creepy status, which were good. There are more than plenty of things that go totally unexplained though. The soundtrack music is something else, too....it goes from sort of twangy instrumental surf music to The Count Five, to The Dictators (which I guess goes well with the Nazi themes) and I think that's the Feelies at the beginning, but it does go rather well with the rest of this mess. I will say that I did enjoy this, although maybe not for the way it was intended.

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3 out of 3 people found the following comment useful :-
Bizarre mess! Atrocious editing., 15 October 2006
2/10
Author: insomniac_rod from Noctropolis

What a confusing, weird, Horror movie this is! The director was obviously on drugs but who can explain the editing mess? The editor was probably very high when working on the final print. I mean, there is no coherence between most events and it's like you are watching 5 different movies, in the style of "Crash" or "Amores Perros".

The sad truth is that this failure is considered as a Slasher movie with dramatic over tones. It tries to be like "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but with an 80's slasher feeling. It just doesn't works.

The acting is atrocious, not to mention the horrible direction that looks like an amateur flick. The only good thing about this one may be the soundtrack which is fairly good and fits with the movie's weirdness.

This movie is well known among B-fans as the movie where the killer uses a Richard Nixon mask.

Plase avoid this bizarre mess! It's just too bad to be bad.

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4 out of 5 people found the following comment useful :-
Horrendously Bad (But Fun), 21 September 2002
Author: nickyak (nickyak@aol.com) from NYCity

HHOH5 will cause any "Scream"-fan to shut the tape off in under three minutes. However, fans of horrible horrors will eat up the killer-in-a-Richard-Nixon mask thing, as well as plenty of priceless dialogue. You've been warned.

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5 out of 7 people found the following comment useful :-
Wild and wacky horror at its finest., 28 December 1998
10/10
Author: daniel shea from Boston

Take some college students, put them in a van, throw in a killer in a Richard Nixon mask and BANG! you've got an instant classic. The plot includes Nazis,rape,mysterious rooms, and that's about it. But this is what makes the film great, it's total ineptness at everything, from creating suspense to scaring the viewer. And the glue that holds the whole film together is the most whacked out, ludicrously insane soundtrack in movie history. If you don't want to watch the movie(which I could understand, but you'll miss out on some wonderful chase scenes involving President Nixon)just put the movie in your VCR, close your eyes and listen to the jarring sounds of Horror House On Highway Five. Also make sure not to miss one of the least satisfying and sensible endings in movie history.

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2 out of 2 people found the following comment useful :-
"I am not a crook. Muahahahaha!!!", 24 June 2007
Author: Backlash007 from Kentucky

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

~Spoiler~

When you've seen as many movies as I have, it's hard to pick one contender for "Worst Movie Ever." I always thought The Woodchipper Massacre held the title. I now think there's a new king in town. Horror House on Highway 5 could really be the worst movie ever. Let me try to explain what little plot it had. There's a Nazi doctor living in Littletown, USA who has a fetish for Richard Nixon and commits random acts of senseless violence whilst wearing a Tricky Dick mask. He has two sons who help him...I think. One son is a retard who falls in love with his victims. The other thinks he is a doctor and that wormy parasites are eating his brain. There is also a hammy teacher who sends his students to Littletown to research the mad doctor and his bottle rocket experiments. What the hell am I talking about? I'm really at a loss for words when reviewing this epic. There's one aspect that completely blows my mind. There are many scenes where characters are walking around in the dark and they hear a "whooshing" sound. The next thing that follows is the character dripping blood. I really have no idea what effect the filmmaker was trying to capture. Was the Nixon character throwing knives? Was Ulli Lommel's Boogeyman hanging around the set? I don't know. The effect obviously didn't work. And neither does the entire movie. Avoid like your life depended on it.

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